Adams Mansbach wrote a classic book and in my opinion every parent should read. I won't tell you the title as that'll give the game away but trust me, get yourself a copy. My sister gave this to me long before I even fell pregnant. I think she had some weird premonition or something.
Because when you're sleep deprived, considering having a glass of wine for breakfast and wondering why a 2 month old can't tell the difference between day (that's when the sun shines) and night (that's when it doesn't) you'll try ANYTHING. I even considered, very seriously, taking mine back to the hospital and asking if I could exchange my little night owl for one that knew that darkness = bedtime.
Our little boy is actually pretty predictable. We're able to decode his little signs that he's wavering to sleep; he has a different cry, he throws his arms 'n legs around like a bad '80's pop break-dancer, he becomes deadly serious refusing to crack a smile and the dead giveaway - he'll rub his eyes.
We're still very new at this parenting gig but for the last three nights we've worked to the same structure and so far so good. A couple of you have asked how we've done this and I thought it best to share it here;
1. We worked backwards with time; i.e. how much sleep do WE need in order to function the next day and we agreed between 5-6 hours would be good. Which means that Oscar should have his last feed between 23:00 - 24:00 and because we want him to be full we'd give him a max of 180ml formula for his age (I should mention that I'm not breast feeding entirely).
2. We block his feeds in hours; during a normal 24hr day we worked at between 3-4 hour intervals and gave us an hour block to do these in so that we're not rigidly clock watching, so 23:00 - 24:00, 19:00 - 20:00, 16:00 - 17:00, 13:00 - 14:00, 09:00 - 10:00, 05:00 - 06:00.
3. We alternate the size of his feeds; the main feeds (breakfast, lunch and dinner) are bigger at 180ml and the feeds in between are smaller at 150ml.
4. We set the scene; his last two feeds are done in his room, which is dimly light and with no distractions or noise (TV off, mobile phone and iPad out the room).
5. We have a structure/routine; we started doing this in the very early days. Oscar will eat, then rest for around 10min giving his milk a chance to settle, then he has a nappy change. He also has a bath every second day (it's freezing here!) so that's done during the same block of time (16:00 - 17:00) when it's bath day. And his top 'n tail done daily in the 09:00 - 10:00 block. He also sleeps in his crib for his long morning naps and at nighttime.
So the trick to starting this new routine and getting it to work was to start with the last feed of the day. This meant that with Oscar, who usually had his last big feed at 22:30, he'd need to wait until 24:00. That's like trying to tell a starving squirrel you're out of nuts. I waited until this designated time slot and then gave him enough milk to keep him quiet and then tricked him into thinking he was full - this involved keeping him awake or as awake as possible until 24:00 or there about without him squawking like a de-feathered chicken. I read to him, danced with him, sang to him and eventually after his 60ml feed he fell asleep for about 40min and woke just before midnight.
Getting Oscar to actually fall asleep is a task in itself. I think I'd have more success mastering the art of fencing in a shorter time frame! Once every single need has been met and there is nothing more to be done, he's cuddled for a bit and then put in his crib. He has a little white noise maker called a Sleep Sheep that goes on and I use different settings for different times of the day (ocean for night and birds/forest for day). He also has a bouncer which he loves that vibrates and it's only ever on vibrate when we want him to sleep. I'm able to rock this gently until he fades away. He's a sociable baby, he likes being around people and will fall asleep just about anywhere, the trick is not to be too rigid about this.
I knew, long before Oscar was born, having watched friends and learning from others, that I'd not rock my child to sleep or let anyone else do the same. Because kids are little buggers. They will want you to do this till the end of time once they get used to it. There is nothing wrong with rocking them until they've calmed down and are just about to nod off but not until they're in a deep sleep even an earthquake wouldn't wake them!
There is no right or wrong way. No quick-fix or one-size-fits all solution. And I know just as soon as we think we've got this nailed down, he's going to pull the ol' switch-a-roo and blindside us. I'm not naive. But as long as your child sees the back of his/her eyelids for an extended period of time during the day. He/she is happy. Content. Eats and poops. Then consider that a success!
I can also highly recommend a book called Baby Sense (thanks Penny!) and Baby Talk by Dr. Sally Ward both have proved invaluable to us. But first get yourself a copy of Adam Mansbach's book because when all is said and done you need to make sure you maintain your sense of humour. Or else your tiny-human will break you. They smell milk AND fear in equal measures.
Good Luck.
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