Post baby hook-up...

I know hook-up means something completely different to people in their twenties, but when you reach your thirties, it just means that you've managed to spend some time in the company of other adults. That aren't related to you.  Or that you're married to. 

The last two days has seen me do a lot of hooking-up! And Oscar makes a terrific little wing-man (again, I know, totally different connotation). 

It started yesterday, hooking-up with all the other Mamma's and their tiny-humans from our Antenatal classes that we attended back in October. I must point out that during our second class the Midwife leading our session asked "Before we get started, could someone volunteer to arrange a get together once these sessions come to an end? It's really nice to stay in contact with one another".

The silence was deafening. Somewhere in the background I'm sure I heard a lonely cricket. 

Not one person raised their hand. For an agonizing 6 seconds. 

I have a strict 6 second policy, it works with food that lands on the floor, to getting back to my car before the parking expires. It also applies to volunteering for stuff. 

So I raised my hand. I should mention that Ryan was parking the car at the time and oblivious to the fact that we'd been self-nominated to become President and First Lady of the Antenatal Social Committee. I should also mention that the last good party I arranged was in fact our wedding, two years previously and that took me almost a year to plan. So the odds that I'd get this group of 20 people back in a room before our kids turned one, were slim to none. I did try arranging something, but I didn't try very hard. In my defense I managed to keep us all connected via email. 

So yesterday saw us all head down to a little pub on the river in Kingston. Great location and with (cheap) parking nearby which was super handy (it meant I could escape a lot faster two hours later). I have very few really good friends that I can be completely myself with. I prefer it this way. Because I don't do small talk. Or chit-chat. Or falsity. I'm honest. I'm blunt. So when I was quizzed on how I got Oscar to take to a dummy, I was honest. My reply of "I just stuck it in his mouth and he sucked it?" was met with disbelieving smiles and one audible gasp. 

When asked how many hours he sleeps at night? Again, I was honest "between 4 or 5 and that's usually in the early or late evening".

While others were exchanging their horrific (and I mean HORRIFIC) childbirth stories, I went to the bar and ordered myself a tea because I didn't want to be asked. Because I know I'd be lynch-mobbed if I told the truth. That I actually got through it very well indeed, it far exceeded my expectations and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Even peeing for the first time was like something out of a fairytale book.  

It was at this point that I felt this was becoming a little bit of a competition. And I'm not the competitive type. My little wing-man felt the same. It was at this point that he checked out and wanted to be put back in his stroller.

If one person had shared that being a new parent had made them go a little mad from the hormonal changes and that they'd been running on adrenaline for the first two weeks. That becoming a new parent can kick your rock solid relationship in the nuts because you're sleep deprived and still getting to grips with your new normality. That sometimes you stare at your little newborn baby and wonder what on earth you did right to create such a perfect little version that's one part you and one part the love of your life. Who at times you want to strangle because the first year of parenting is the toughest. If one person had shared that, I might've stayed for another cup of tea. 

And perhaps, maybe they did or maybe they would've, but one thing I have learned in the 5 minutes I've been doing this gig as a new parent is that time is precious. And to take a page from the book of a very close friend, "you've got to keep your shit real". There isn't a lot of time in the day and I want to make sure it's filled with being honest and blunt and keeping my shit real. 

And I'm working on being nicer as the love of my life says I should as I'm a bit of a bitch when I'm sleep deprived and hormonal. 

Then today saw us head back into the city and into the office one last time, for one final hook-up,  because I won't be returning to work after my 9 months of maternity leave. I will work. Obviously. We need to eat. And dress. But I won't be going back to my office. The decision wasn't made lightly. I cried for joy when I was offered my job 2yrs and 5months ago (thanks LinkedIn) because it had been the company that I'd longed to work for, for years. I'd tried, and failed, to secure a role when I first arrived in the UK. My sister works there, as does my cousin and numerous friends. I'd made some amazing new friends, some of whom will be in my life forever. I loved my job, the challenges and the changes I saw in some of the people I was responsible for, gave me a sense of purpose. It fulfilled me. 

And now there is Oscar. 

My sense of purpose is different. I'm fulfilled in a very different way. And the only changes I long to see are the ones happening on a daily basis with our son, who I swear, grows overnight. 

So with a heavy heart, I said goodbye to some really good, talented, spirited people today. But in my heart I know it's the right thing. I'm finally at peace with the decision Ryan and I made for the sake of our little family of three. 

It's time to move on. 

PS - talking about hook-ups; turns out our baby boy already has a type! Oscar could not take his eyes off of a certain attractive, bubbly Ozzy, with mile long legs and blonde hair to match. He was passing sideway glances and acting all coy (just like his father) ...someone is going to need a wing-man of his own...in about 21yrs!

Oscar with his Aunty Carol

It was a stunning day in London today...took a walk from Blackfriers to Fenchurch Street one last time

Project Night Owl...

Adams Mansbach wrote a classic book and in my opinion every parent should read. I won't tell you the title as that'll give the game away but trust me, get yourself a copy. My sister gave this to me long before I even fell pregnant. I think she had some weird premonition or something. 

Because when you're sleep deprived, considering having a glass of wine for breakfast and wondering why a 2 month old can't tell the difference between day (that's when the sun shines) and night (that's when it doesn't) you'll try ANYTHING. I even considered, very seriously, taking mine back to the hospital and asking if I could exchange my little night owl for one that knew that darkness = bedtime. 

Our little boy is actually pretty predictable. We're able to decode his little signs that he's wavering to sleep; he has a different cry, he throws his arms 'n legs around like a bad '80's pop break-dancer, he becomes deadly serious refusing to crack a smile and the dead giveaway - he'll rub his eyes. 

We're still very new at this parenting gig but for the last three nights we've worked to the same structure and so far so good. A couple of you have asked how we've done this and I thought it best to share it here; 

1. We worked backwards with time; i.e. how much sleep do WE need in order to function the next day and we agreed between 5-6 hours would be good. Which means that Oscar should have his last feed between 23:00 - 24:00 and because we want him to be full we'd give him a max of 180ml formula for his age (I should mention that I'm not breast feeding entirely). 

2. We block his feeds in hours; during a normal 24hr day we worked at between 3-4 hour intervals and gave us an hour block to do these in so that we're not rigidly clock watching, so 23:00 - 24:00, 19:00 - 20:00, 16:00 - 17:00, 13:00 - 14:00, 09:00 - 10:00, 05:00 - 06:00. 

3. We alternate the size of his feeds; the main feeds (breakfast, lunch and dinner) are bigger at 180ml and the feeds in between are smaller at 150ml. 

4. We set the scene; his last two feeds are done in his room, which is dimly light and with no distractions or noise (TV off, mobile phone and iPad out the room). 

5. We have a structure/routine; we started doing this in the very early days. Oscar will eat, then rest for around 10min giving his milk a chance to settle, then he has a nappy change. He also has a bath every second day (it's freezing here!) so that's done during the same block of time (16:00 - 17:00) when it's bath day. And his top 'n tail done daily in the 09:00 - 10:00 block. He also sleeps in his crib for his long morning naps and at nighttime.  

So the trick to starting this new routine and getting it to work was to start with the last feed of the day. This meant that with Oscar, who usually had his last big feed at 22:30, he'd need to wait until 24:00. That's like trying to tell a starving squirrel you're out of nuts. I waited until this designated time slot and then gave him enough milk to keep him quiet and then tricked him into thinking he was full - this involved keeping him awake or as awake as possible until 24:00 or there about without him squawking like a de-feathered chicken. I read to him, danced with him, sang to him and eventually after his 60ml feed he fell asleep for about 40min and woke just before midnight. 

Getting Oscar to actually fall asleep is a task in itself. I think I'd have more success mastering the art of fencing in a shorter time frame! Once every single need has been met and there is nothing more to be done, he's cuddled for a bit and then put in his crib. He has a little white noise maker called a Sleep Sheep that goes on and I use different settings for different times of the day (ocean for night and birds/forest for day). He also has a bouncer which he loves that vibrates and it's only ever on vibrate when we want him to sleep. I'm able to rock this gently until he fades away. He's a sociable baby, he likes being around people and will fall asleep just about anywhere, the trick is not to be too rigid about this.  

I knew, long before Oscar was born, having watched friends and learning from others, that I'd not rock my child to sleep or let anyone else do the same. Because kids are little buggers. They will want you to do this till the end of time once they get used to it. There is nothing wrong with rocking them until they've calmed down and are just about to nod off but not until they're in a deep sleep even an earthquake wouldn't wake them! 

There is no right or wrong way. No quick-fix or one-size-fits all solution. And I know just as soon as we think we've got this nailed down, he's going to pull the ol' switch-a-roo and blindside us. I'm not naive. But as long as your child sees the back of his/her eyelids for an extended period of time during the day. He/she is happy. Content. Eats and poops.  Then consider that a success!

I can also highly recommend a book called Baby Sense (thanks Penny!) and Baby Talk by Dr. Sally Ward both have proved invaluable to us. But first get yourself a copy of Adam Mansbach's book because when all is said and done you need to make sure you maintain your sense of humour.  Or else your tiny-human will break you. They smell milk AND fear in equal measures. 

Good Luck.

Multi-tasking as I blog

The calm before the storm 

Two months and a day...

Dear Oscar, 

As I fell into bed at 23:45 last night I realised I'd not cemented your two month milestone onto our blog! Daddy and I congratulated each other, of course, we've managed to get through these past two months unscathed. 

You've grown so much in two months both in body and spirit. You're starting to develop a little personality of your very own. We've become accustom to your cries and can translate, almost fluently, what each one means. 

You love being around people. You choose to study faces rather than the selection of weird 'n whacky Lamaze toys that I find totally fascinating. 

Much to our joy you are fond of Dudley, your stuffed rabbit. And Daddy loves telling the story about how you gave Dudley a big gummy grin when he put you to bed a few nights ago. We're fascinated that you recognized him! 

You had a bath last night, the first time that not one tear was shed. Not one. You seem to love being in the water and floating on your back (with Mama's support of course) and give little approving kicks. I can't wait until you learn how to splash and blow bubbles. 

You're what people call "an easy baby" and we know were blessed. You sleep like a dream; 3hr stretches during the day and between 4/5hrs at night. You prefer to fall asleep on your own but with company in the room (I'm typing this as you drift off for your morning nap). And I'm not entirely sure how you do it but you manage to sleep right through Daddy's snoring (you'll have to share your secret with me as to how you do that one day). 

We've decided to take you back to South Africa so that you can grow in the sunshine and play with your cousins. We're not sure if this move will be permanent. For the time being it's until November and then we'll cross that bridge and see where it takes us. The sun is pouring through the windows of our bedroom and I'm sad that in 48 days we'll be saying goodbye to the only home you've known. For me it's the place that I've stayed in the longest since I was 19 so the thought of leaving all the fond memories behind leaves a big lump in my throat. But we're a family now and it doesn't matter where we end up as long as it's together.  

You're exactly 62 days old or 1,488 hrs or 89,285 min. Roughly translated; it's been the best time of our lives. 

We love you. Always. And greatly, Mama xoxo

I'm 62 days old today - taken this morning 

Growing everyday

With Dudley watching over Oscar