I've Clocked Out...

At 37wks, I have made it as far as I can on the work front and finally wrapped up today. I took part in a maternity workshop at work back in July and one of the things that really stuck with me was "don't leave before you leave" which is basically a nice way of saying don't take the p*** in the run up to your maternity leave. I wanted to leave with everything as it should be. 

My last week at work was not what I expected at all, it's been strange to say the least (more about that another time). I was going to finish-up tomorrow but decided last week that given it's my big sisters birthday, one of us deserves a lie-in and I've decided it should be me. So today was the day!

But today felt odd. 

I can only explain it like this; it's like taking part in that show "The Amazing Race", where a couple race other competitive couples around the world to various far flung destinations they've never heard off and along the way they have to take part in various weird challenges, like eating reindeer testicles or crafting habitable igloos out of ice with nothing but their bare hands...basically couples don't have a cotton clue what might be thrown at them AND they have to maintain a united front and not kill each other in the process. The couples that make it over the finish line in good time get to wake up the next day and get to do it all over again...what fun (!!!). 

This is what it feels like to go on maternity leave. 

It's a break from the only reality I've ever known since I started working. And I use the word 'break' loosely. It's not a holiday. Nor is it a competitive race.  It's a journey that Ryan and I are undertaking together, which will hopefully (fingers crossed) not include eating reindeer testicles or building igloos. But I'm sure we'll be faced with many challenges that will have us, taking a step back, cocking our heads to one side and looking on in absolute bewilderment.    

I've never ever been off work for more than three weeks, there was that one time I had my wisdom teeth out which wasn't a picnic either but I think giving birth to a tiny human is going to be a touch more painful. 

Saying goodbye to people today and yesterday was hard for lots of reasons but now our focus is as it should be. 

And it's never really goodbye I believe...it's 'until we see each other again'. Right now I'm looking forward to seeing someone else. 

Faith ~ Hope ~ Love

Well here we are. I'm 36wks and 3days. Following my midwife appointment this morning we were told that he's 'engaged', a whole two/fifths (2/5) which is good and means he's sitting as he should within my pelvis (I'm still not convinced he's going to fit - we have one more antenatal class this evening and I'm determined to see that baby-doll make it through the hole!). He could make an appearance in the next 2 to 3 weeks. By 37wks Little One would be considered full term.

Full term. 

And my mind boggles at how fast it's all gone. I'm in awe. The creation of life doesn't take very long in the big scheme of things. Around 248 days in fact to create a little person that will one day become an independent adult who will go on to have a family of his own one day. 

There is that age old saying about it taking a village to raise a child and this is true. When we found out I was expecting we very quickly started speaking about who'd take on the role as Godparent/s. I spent a lot of time thinking about this while we were in Italy earlier this year, on a boat going around Capri. When I told Ryan about my idea, he loved it as it meant we didn't have to pick just one person or couple. We could create our own little village. 

Faith 

One of my oldest and dearest friends has been in my life since I was 15. Richard remained the only person I'd ever met by chance (i.e. not through school, or work, or friends, or family) up until 2007 when 'chance' intervened again and I met the father of my soon-to-be-son. Richard and I have shared twenty years of friendship, the type of friendship where you can just pick-up where you left off and you don't need to explain where you've been for the last few months because it really doesn't matter (unless it was jail, but even then I think I'd be pretty accepting depending on the circumstances). It's the type of friendship that brings out the very best in you. A friendship that has spanned, provinces and then continents, divorce and utter heartbreak. Admittedly I only have a handful of friends that fit this description. And I believe a handful is all I'll ever need. Equally, Ryan is the same and the friends he has, have been in his life for a long time. Together we have two handfuls. One of the constants in Richards life has been his unwavering faith in God and it's been the same since I have known him. I know that we will be friends for another twenty, thirty, forty, or God willing, fifty years from now. 

I want our son to be blessed with this sort of friendship and never doubt that all he'll need in life is faith and a handful of friends. 

Hope 

He's been in my life since 2007 and the first time I met him the family resemblance between Ryan and his cousin Jimmy (James) was uncanny. Both Jimmy and Ryan suffered such personal loss that same year. And not being related to either of them at the time, or knowing their beloved, I merely stood in the background. I watched each go through their journeys of grief. I knew the 'before' and 'after' version of both Ryan and Jimmy and although time does heal - it never mends completely. The hole left in each others hearts has just grown a little smaller and I've slowly seen each return to their 'before' versions. When we found out that Little One was a boy we knew immediately that his middle name would be Haydn, in memory of Ryan's brother, who can never be replaced but will always be remembered. Jimmy epitomizes hope...just like his cousin. It's a wonderful Smethurst family trait as is their sense of humour, both are equally funny and if you didn't know they were cousins you'd automatically assume they were brothers. Both are genuine, fearless, half-cup-full-pick-yourself-up-dust-yourself-off sort of people. Which sums up hope for me. 

I want our son to know hope in a world that can sometimes seem completely hopeless and who better to teach him than his 2nd cousin. 

Love

One of the constants in my life has been my sister Kerry. When Ryan and I got married two years ago Kerry admitted that I was quite a painful little sister during her speech but that in the end I became quite useful. All little siblings are painful, they turn your life upside down and become your little shadow. As the years have gone by and we've grown older, I'm lucky that my sister has become my best friend. I wouldn't have become the woman I am had it not been for my older sister. We are so different; Kerry is patient, structured, really thoughtful and forgiving. I'm the polar opposite I think. We have never had an argument that has caused a divide between us. We never will. The love you share with family is unconditional. Family can drive you nuts too and hands down our families are crazy...but in a way that makes utter sense to us. My sister was hoping for a little niece, partly because she found a lot of things on Pinterest that would appeal to any little girl. It was Kerry who used to spark my imagination while growing up and I could so see her sharing the same adventures again. And she will. But not with a little niece...not yet anyway. 

Love is the most precious element in our lives, without it we're just drifting like boats without sails. Our son is already loved by us but he'll need to be shown by others to give it unconditionally and my big sister will teach him how. 

Faith, Hope and Love are all in place. Our village complete. We're ready and waiting Little One (don't be late, that's one trait of ours that we don't want you to inherit!)

Richard Faith and Mom on the Thames - July 10 2013

Jimmy Hope, Dad & Mom, Kerry Love in the backyard, last BBQ of the year
July 13 2013

The week that was...

This week saw us venture off to our first antenatal class, having booked our space back in July! These are held at the same hospital that Little One will venture into at some point next month, so the territory is very familiar. We still ended up getting lost finding our way to the lecture hall and were the second last couple to arrive, much to Ryan's horror! So every Wednesday during the month of October between 18:30 - 21:00 we'll be surrounded by other wide-eyed-first-time-parents. 

Our veteran Welsh midwife started with the simple stuff (yes, that's sarcasm) and presented our doe-eyed group with a baby-doll attached to a fake umbilical cord which was also attached to a fake placenta, which she annoyingly kept referring to as "the after birth" (I prefer the word "placenta") and a skeletal pelvis, which I can only assume was to be used at some point during the evening to demonstrate that said baby-doll could actually fit through this pelvic region. She never showed us that part, so I'm still not convinced.

"I want you to look at this and then describe in a word what 'pain' is?" said our midwife. 

To my surprise it was the men who took the lead on this one, coming up with words like; burn, sting, sharp, raw, throbbing...it was the word tear that drew a gasp from every single woman in the room, and we completed the list from there; uncomfortable, aching, tender, etc etc. Our midwife then explained that labour was in fact just a mix of a few of these things, yes, it would be uncomfortable and at times unbearable but it was only at the very end that it could be described as the men had put it. It actually made me feel very comfortable about the whole idea of actually giving birth. But ask me how I really feel about it once I gotten through it for real! 

We also discussed the stages one goes through. When you go into labour in the UK, you're advised to stay at home until your contractions are at least 3 minutes apart and have been for many many hours, especially if your water hasn't broken. If your water has broken...different story! 

On our way home Ryan and I agree that when I do go into labour, we're going into 'lock-down-mode'. There will be a media black-out; no social media, texting, calls or emails, I'm not sure how we'll both feel about things but I do know that giving a blow-by-blow of events will be added pressure and make me very nervous. 

So to celebrate our impending parenthood we had our last 'big night out' yesterday evening. My dear friend Ann celebrated her 40th birthday and since receiving the invite to her big bash back in August, I'd been really looking forward to it...and secretly calculated how big I might be as I'd have to find something suitable to wear! Last night was great, catching up with old friends as well as Kez & Mornay and being able to spend time in the company of adults before our lives change forever. I even managed to have a chat with the lovely Susie, who'd I'd never met before and who only noticed my bump 15 minutes into our conversation! 

I'm now entering week 34...we have 6 weeks to go or there about and have been told that Little One could come anytime between 2 weeks before or 2 weeks after our due date, so roughly from the 21 October we should be ready to go. 

I can't believe how fast it's all gone. 

Mom and Dads last night out...for a little while.